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>dreaming<
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long time, no see
>>Currently Playing<< nada
It's funny that I would start to write this right now, as I don't have much time, but honestly, SO much has happened since my last pivotal update in August, where I said that I didn't understand why I always screw up my life so much. (Hello run-on sentences) I only have about nine minutes before I want to go get ready for bed, so I guess I will try and give a condensed version of everything. In this entry I mentioned briefly that Justin and I had been having problems. Well, little did I know that three days later, July 17th, would be the last serious conversation I'd have with him. Basically he wanted me to leave my religion with him, and I just wasn't ready to do so. He couldn't seem to accept that and was manipulating me, trying to coerce me into it, and it was then that I realize how much of our relationship was based on his manipulation of me. However, we didn't break up this night... no, he just decided not to call me. Over the next month, we spoke twice; once was a random conversation that lasted awhile, but was really about nothing, and the other was when I did finally have the guts to break up with him. It was August 15th. My life is full of coincidences though. There's a huge backstory behind this, but during my month-long stint of not talking to Justin, I started to develop somewhat of a crush on one of the drivers at work. His name is Wesley. On August 11th, I had to leave to go on a pioneer trek in Wyoming. The night before, however, I closed, and Justine stayed around with me and we chit-chatted. (Justine being one of my work friends). She is a very quiet, rather observant girl, and somehow the topic of me sorta liking Wesley came up. This put her into matchmaker mode, because she said that she could tell that Wesley liked me too, which I found somewhat unbelievable. Wes and I flirted a lot that night though...and I went on my little trek unable to think of much else, other than the possibilities of what could happen at work. So then I go to work on Sunday night, the 14th, and Wesley and I closed together again. We flirted, and flirted, and flirted, to the point where Kevin and Troy were starting to pick up on something and were trying to find out for me if Wesley did like me. Making a long story short (I'll have to write the whole thing out one day, because it's only about the best story in the world), Wesley and I talked for hours that night, and he was constantly confusing me, contradicting himself, saying things to make me think that he didn't or did like me. It was a very confusing night. And then he pulled me over into his arms, and after about five minutes, maybe ten, of just laying there (we were in his car in the front seats, and he had me pulled over onto his lap), he kissed me. Me: "Now I'm just confused. Do you like me or what?" Him: "If I didn't like you, would I be holding you like this?" Me: "oh...:)" I felt like a dirty rotten cheater, however, because Justin and I hadn't techincally broken up yet... lo and behold, the first time he calls me is the very next night after I "cheated" on him. Go figure! And I broke it off. Cried a little 'cause it was a shock, but I was prepared and ready for it at the same time. So Wesley and I spent the next week and a half debating over whether we wanted to actually be in a relationship or not, until on the 24th we decided that we did, and now in four days we'll have been together for two months. What I'm going to say about Wesley, is that honestly, being with him has been the best relationship I've ever been in. He's treated me better, respected me more, and just plain been a better boyfriend than either Justin or Dennis. It's been amazing... and oh my gosh, here's something awesome: HE DOESN'T KEEP ME A SECRET FROM THE WORLD. He'll kiss me in front of people, he'll hold me, he'll... just not be ashamed to be with me, for lack of a better way to put it. Not trying to say that I like to make-out in public, but hey, it sure is nice to get a peck and not worry about who is there. I dunno... it's all been so amazing, and I've been so happy. He's amazing. He's a year older than me and graduated from my school this last year. He intends to go off and join the Marines, the thought of which makes me want to cry really hard. However, it is his life dream, and I'll be damned if I'm going to stand in the way of that. He's basically just amazing, and I know how many times this diary has seen me say that about whoever I'm with... but know that I understand that Wesley is so much better than either Justin or Dennis, and despite the recent trouble I've gotten in (to be elaborated later), I do not regret being with him even for a second. Gosh... it's so awesome. :) Outside of Wes, school has started... My Senior year. What can I say? I hate it. I hate the fact that it's my last year of high school, I HATE the fact that I have a terrible, terrible case of Senioritis, and I just... want to not be at school anymore, ever. Justin makes it hell randomly, even though other times he's nice and it's just like old times. And I've made some new friends, as well as strengthened bonds with some old ones... I dunno... school is just weird. Anyway, I've used up 7 more minutes than i meant to. Just know that this is what has been going on in my life, and I will do my best to update soon...I'm just so busy all of the time, I hate it. Anyway, have a good night, and I'll talk to ya'll later. :) Sasha lost in thought - rude awakening dreamsİhg88 | imageİanimemixup | 1024x768 | ie5.0+ |
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......one day - 2006-03-16 |